Sometimes

...you feel like taking a break from everything that's inside or outside your universe. And it doesn't happen very often, but you definitely need to follow your feeling and put a little stop to all that's been around you so far.

I guess I'm having one of these moments right now, and I could really use a little space. From what? First of all, from my own home. I know it might seem a little surprising, but that's just the way I feel right now. Leaving behing the noisy refrigerator, the radiator that doesn't heat up as well as it should, the 4th floor that makes you rather live in a bunker, the computer that looks like it's been hit by a cluster bomb, the keyboard that just won't play the way YOU want it to...

And go sailing to the nearest port that would open your way to the desert. To lead your steps where you need to go, where your soul needs to take a good sleep, looking at the sky that touches the dunes so softly.

But time is running out. They want you tomorrow back again, to send THAT e-mail, to buy THOSE things, to say THESE words and act THIS way. THEIR way, anyway, no way...

And you pick up your backpack, fill it up with sand, hoping that THIS sand would provide a corner of confort back home. But it shall prove to be nothing but a mess, since it does not fit in THEIR world. The sand must remain in the desert, the sleeper must be awaken.

The Paladins are still waiting for the time they'll rise again, from their long sleep...or maybe I just miss my friends? Or do I need to go back in the desert and meet Muad'Dib once again? Or is it just another dream at 6:30AM that's about to be interrupted by the alarm clock? Stil...

Peace and Love be with you all!

The Wolf

Here's all...

Waiting for the end of this summer.

We haven't managed to get back together with our band, although Tommy and I have been planning it for two weeks now. I find it hard to believe that the Paladins will ever be whole again. Andy got married in the mean time, Freak is still on the road with his SUN business, and my life's just gone wild since I've started redecorating my home.

Waiting for the beginning of the autumn.

I know things can only be the way we make them, I know that it's almost 100% up to me to make it move, to make it a brand new start, to take the next step. And I don't mean only with this band. For Christ's sake, I'm almost 30 and I feel there's something missing in my life - not only something, but a lot of things. But the most important thing that keeps me on my feet is the fact that I love and I feel loved all the way! Love gives me strength and wings to fly towards tomorrow. And I keep my faith, that is for sure, so that I can be inspired and led to the light.

...and stuck in the middle, in a moment out of time!

Speak the words I need to hear, show me the path and make me believe I have what it takes to follow it, and make my spirit revive and rejoice! Show me there's more than the eye meets, that there's a whole new world waiting for me and that, as long as I believe there's a God up there, I don't have to fear any evil.

I'll be waiting.....................

Wolf

Still...

Still see the road that took you away
Still feel the pain that’s here to stay
And I wonder, oh I wonder
How much longer do we have to wait?

Another day’s dying and without a cause,
Can’t handle the thorns as I pick up the rose,
And I wonder, oh I wonder,
Can I still carry my cross?

Love me a million times,
There’s a heart to heal,
Time just cannot do that,
But your love will…

If I were to speak about how sorry I am,
For the feelings I’ve killed, for the untold pain,
For the times I didn’t want to say:
“I love you”, OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

Call the clouds to cover my heart,
Make the sun go down and fade to the dark,
Let your love guide me home,
Let it take me right back.

Five years...

Good evening,

Well, well, I'm a little more active lately, isn't it? True that! I feel that my life's been changing plenty during the last three weeks, and things ARE going for the better. Thank God for that!

My last two posts have been in direct connection with my love life. My girl's been away, but now she's back, and hapiness is the strongest sensation I'm experiencing right now. But I wonder - is this the price of happiness? I mean, 5 years of pain and broken vows, mingled with brief moments of exultation and pure, unconditionned love, is this the way to happiness? In order to find peace and happiness, do you need to say and do things that you will eventually find as wrong or even worse? Does making your beloved hurt like hell take you to a better place for your love? Does sending her or him away grant you that she or he will find the way back to you and your love shall be fulfilled?

Let me tell you something - DON'T! Sending your love away can only result in pain and distress. Someone else might open their arms, and she or he will be gone forever. Don't take this chance, don't put your love to the test. Keep your love where it belongs - inside your heart. Inprison it if you have to! As long as you know that the feeling is shared by the other, there's no reason why you should open the cage. Keep it there - love is blind and stupid, it cannot have a mind of its own! You gotta take the right decisions and keeping it there is the light to guide you.

Now I'm at peace with my heart. Yes, indeed I am. I was so close to let go my love - once again, I don't remember how many times I've done it - and now I feel like things are the way they should be.

Right now I believe I can dream again, hope again, LIVE AGAIN!

Love has joined faith and hope. The circle is complete. I'm ready to live... :)

Peace&Love to You All!

Razvan (the Wolf)

Wings of hope

Whenever my arms can’t feel your touch
And love is sailing over the sea
I pray the Lord to turn the hands
And make you fall again into me.

Besides me stands the truth of my words
And years, and tears, and fear, and light,
But though the tides are turning wrong
I’m tryin’ to make these things be right.

Reach out my hand and cross we shall
The bridge that stands between our love
And us, those who have grieved to see
That there is still a sun above.

For the two of us…

I hold my feelings deep down inside
I hide them under a bottle of wine
And the beat of my heart as I’m missing you
Are my only measure of time.

T’was a time when my hands
Would stretch out to grab my heart
And rip it out, so I can’t hear it
Calling you out of the dark.

Can’t imagine someone else’s arms
Crawling around your shoulders
Grabbing you so close you can’t resist
The kiss he’s got for you [oh, just please someone shoot me right now!]

Now that the sun is sleeping
My soul is laying down to rest
Seems to me the pain is fading
Chocking a whisper in my chest.

Don’t have the courage to ask myself
Whether the pain is forever gone,
I’m still searching for something
And still waiting for someone.

Can’t imagine someone else’s arms
Crawling around your shoulders
Grabbing you so close you can’t resist
The kiss he’s got for you [oh, just please someone shoot me right now!]

Must keep the Faith!

Hey there...

Once again...it's been a while. I don't actually keep the count of how many people are actually reading some of these, but I've taken a good look on the last date of my blog and yes, my last entry was on February 13th. Now that's a lot of time, "blogly speaking"! :)

This period has been anything but quiet. A lot of things have happened, life has followed its course and I find myself a little confused. I just don't seem to know the path anymore...

School's ok for now, I've managed to solve a few exams and it's only a matter of time before the next fight is on. Good news is that I only need 4-5 exams to be able to pass into the final year of study. Bad news is I don't really know how I'm gonna manage to graduate from this school if I keep working the way I work now. I must think about an alternative, I've invested far too much in this to drop it.

About the band? Hmmm, I don't know, the guys have mobilized themselves in an attempt to reunite last week, but we've failed to record any progress. We're stuck with the same songs, over and over again. Yet, there's good news here too: a friend of mine from Oradea has kindly invited us to play at a festival in July. I'm thrilled at the thought that we're actually gonna perform on a real stage, in front of total strangers (ok, maybe not all of them, I've got many friends in Oradea, to be honest), but the problem is we need to make our own songs now. That was the first requirement, and we're gonna prioritize this task in the future. Moreover, now that Tommy is back, we are all set to go. One final consideration in this matter - we definitely need a drummer, and fast!

The problem is that I dream too much, and fail to see the present. I can't read a book, got no more patience to do that, and that's a problem. I know I must progress, I must make things change in me and around me, but I can't seem to find the strength to actually make it happen. I shall keep working on that and praying to God to give me the power to make one step after another.

My feelings are confusing, too. But I don't wanna talk about that now.

HOPE - it's the most important thing, after FAITH. I shall keep them both close to my heart, hoping that LOVE would join them soon enough.


Aştept primăvara:vreau să fiu dus de un pluton suav

la primul zid şi împuşcat cu muguri

şi când voi muri să-mi înflorească toate rănile,

să vină toate albinele la rănile mele

şi să mă transporte pe aripi

către tărâmul de polen unde merită să ajungcu flori cu tot,

cu tristeţe cu tot,

cu primăvară cu tot,

acum şi-n veacul vecilor

(Adrian Paunescu - "Pluton")

Peace&Love to You All!
Razvan / WOLF

Back again...after a long time

Hey there,

I know it's been a while since you last tasted a word from me, it was because of the work that's been occupying all my time, and of the fact that I've been lacking inspiration for my next step here. After all...I just don't want to write empty words just to put a little more pressure on the Internet, that's for sure. What do you say, huh?....

What happened? Well a lot of things, and I believe it's for the first time in many years that I can say that. First of all, I'm struggling to keep my studies going (I was almost shocked to find out that they were about to expell me from the school...can you believe that? Me, expelled! Jesus...). I know that God loves me (indeed He does!) and that everything will turn out just fine in the end. So was the case with the school. As a matter of fact, my colleagues had informed me about the situation, and everything was solved in only one day. Incredible, isn't it?

We've had another concert before Christmas. It was on the occasion of the company's party, you can see below two photos from the event. It was still me who moderated the whole show, but I feel it was the last time I was doing that, because I felt exhausted in the end. Moreover, I didn't have the time to have a little fun, I felt like everyone was having fun, and I was there just to entertain them. Not very attractive this perspective, I am sure. But I was a little angry with FREAK beacause he refused to play with us, Andy was not present there, as the party was reserver for ETA2U employees only - so it was just Tommy and I who did the whole trick. I've seen the films recorded by one of my colleagues - and it was OK. We're doing better every time, and that's extremely important - progressing on and on. Someday it will be...as we want it, as people want it, as it must be. We just need a little...PATIENCE :)

Second, I've finally managed to go to the orthodontist and put on my corrective device - it's costed me a little bit, and it feels a little ackward sometimes, but I am 100% convinced it was the right decision and that I will be very satisfied with the result at the end of the 2 years of treatment. And no - I will not post a picture of me wearing this! :)

Things are a little bit unclear at work - they keep telling us that we should leave our old habit of staying in the office and go out hunting. It's a new thing for us and we just can't seem to get along with this new way of doing our job. I am confused about my next stept here - it's been 5 years already and I don't know what I am expected to do or change. Once again, I put my faith in God...He knows what's in store for me.

Our next concert is due in about two weeks. We have a new song 90% ready, and we're working on Nightwish's "Sleeping Sun" - this song is great, and I wouldn't like to mess it up. But we have the same problem rehearsing, so I am deeply concerned about how people will see us this year. They've been very understanding the first two times...but this time I do not expect them to show any understanding. I want to know the quality of our band after a year of activity. Do people like us, do they still want us to play for them? Besides, the guys have told me they didn't like the name of our band "The Paladins", so I believe we should change it as soon as possible. Or not?...I like this name. Do you have any suggestions? I'd really appreciate any help.

OK. That's enough for tonight. Tomorrow - a little bit of school, and ...there's something I'm not telling right now:D

Peace&Love to You All!

Razvan - WOLF